I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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