yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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