Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
