at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
