If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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