yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
