It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
