if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
