That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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