I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
