Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
