This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Terrible idea I love it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
