The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize