the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
