I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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