Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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