There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
