Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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