The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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