if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
