I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
