there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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