i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
