I wannas sexs uuuuu
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
