he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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