You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
