just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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