so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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