Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
