And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
