If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
