1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
