omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize