I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Reggie can tackle my bush.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
