You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
