glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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