that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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