So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
