i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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