You're a womanizer and a bitch.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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