tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
