Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
