i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize