I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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