It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
