Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
