he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
