smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize