handjob tips. give me some.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
