I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize