So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
