Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
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