I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
