So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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