shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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