I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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