Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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