rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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