I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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