wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
