I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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