i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
