He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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