Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
