I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
