he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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