As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
