john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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