Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
