thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
