so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
