It's Friday. Sex?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
