Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
