Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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