oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
the condom got lost in my hair
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
