Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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