I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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