until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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