remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
