i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
