Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
