I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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